Don't know what type of attraction you're feeling? This flowchart can help.
In the early 2000s, the asexual and aromantic (a-spec) community created a framework to talk about their experiences with love and attraction more accurately.
Currently, this framework names roughly five basic types of attraction: platonic, romantic, sexual, aesthetic and sensual.
However, even with definitions, it can be hard to concretely understand each type. This flowchart was designed to give someone a list of litmus questions to figure out what they're feeling.
To read more about types of love and what it can be like living love-filled lives without sexual or romantic relationships, check out my article Love is a Many-Splendored Thing: A Celebration of the Diverse Spectrum of Love.
Alt text for the flowchart:
A flowchart shows some ways to tell between sexual, sensual, aesthetic, romantic and platonic attraction. The flowchart first asks if your interest in someone is more physical or emotional. (Disclaimer text: You can feel more than 1 -or all- of these for a person)
If physical, it then asks "do you want to physically interact with them?" No = aesthetic attraction. Maybe? leads to "if they were a blanket would they be: a) microfleece - want to touch or b) quilt - pretty to look at?" Microfleece = sensual attraction. Quilt = aesthetic.
Answering yes, you do want to physically interact with them, leads to a new question. "Do you want to: hug, give/receive massages, hold hands, do sexual things, cuddle, and/or kiss?"
Hug, give/receive massages and kiss lead to both sexual and sensual attraction. Hold hands and cuddle = sensual. Do sexual things = sexual (duh).
On the emotional side of the flowchart, it starts by asking "compared to other friends, do you want to be emotionally closer to them?" No = platonic attraction. Maybe? and Yeah both lead to 2 further questions. The first is "How do you exchange affection with them?"
Next to that question is the sidenote that no type of affection is exclusive to romantic relationships, but that people feeling romantic attraction tend to show soft affection sooner, more blatantly and more often. Also, this is far from a complete list of how people show affection.
Answers to "How do you exchange affection?" are: sincere comments/compliments, pet names, good morning texts, nicknames, and random gifts.
All of the options lead to romantic attraction. Sincere comments/compliments and nicknames = platonic attraction too.
If you answer Maybe or Yeah to wanting to be emotionally closer to the person, you also get a second question. "How do they make you feel?: excited, racing heart, content, glowy inside, and/or flustered." All the options lead to romantic. Excited, content and glowy inside = platonic too.
Under platonic and romantic attraction is a sidenote: There is an overlap between romantic and platonic attraction. Queerplatonic attraction is wanting a deep platonic bond that has features usually ascribed to romantic relationships (commitment, emotional vulnerability, etc)
Related coverage:
Personal Essay - More than Friends